February 27

Today has been a long, hard day. Ronnie had to leave early. I went outside to let the dogs in and Mattie was acting funny. He was standing over by the pen where Cracker Jack was and he would not leave. I had a bad feeling already, but I think I knew at that point he had passed away. I went out and checked and sure enough, he had passed away. I was beside myself. I texted Ronnie and let him know. He said he would handle it. I knew he would. I have a fantastic husband. I have thought about Cracker Jack all day and have cried on and off all day. 

One thing I kept thinking about was yesterday. Ronnie and I both thought he was doing better, but having seen this so often, animals and people usually do better not long before they pass. I felt things were off, but he seemed to be doing better. He was doing things he used to do. I think he was actually telling me goodbye. I just did not do realize it at the time. It has been such a hard day. 

The other animals are all acting different today. They know something happened. They were not there normal selves. 

The goats and sheep were actually laying down eating. 

The roosters were fighting. 

Yeller was on top of the barn. 

Daisy stole an egg and ate it. 

One of the chickens was in the crate trying to lay an egg while the cats were right outside the crate eating. 

The donkeys were eating dirt. 

The pigs were eating dirt. 

The dogs are barking nonstop. 

None of this is normal. None of it. It’s crazy. 

I did notice Ronnie had buried Cracker Jack in a nice spot and the other animals were paying their respects. 

I’m so sad tonight. I know it will pass but Cracker Jack was one in a million and was loved so much. This hurts. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this. 

Word of the day is sadness. Matthew 5:4